The Last Hurrah
SCORING
Well, if
you’ve made it this far, we salute you—you are a devoted writer who wants to
better him/herself and to join the ranks of the many fine authors in the fanfic
world. You’ve dragged your
character through the mud, and now we’re ready to see if he or she came out
clean on the other side.
First off, we
must begin with a small checklist.
Scattered throughout the test are several questions that give you a
whopping 1000 points in one swell foop.
They are as follows:
1.
Is your character in any way named
after you?
2.
If you are a male author, does your
fic feature nudity, particularly young nudist females?
3.
Does your character have one of
Voldemort’s horcruxes?
4.
Is you character Harry’s long-lost
sibling, twin, half, or otherwise?
5.
Does your character replace Harry as
the main focus of the HP universe?
6.
Does your character have a scar like
Harry’s, linking her in any way to the one that gave it to her and/or was the
result of a misfired curse, particularly A.K.?
7.
Is your character Snape’s daughter
and set in the timeframe of the HP books?
8.
Is your character Sirius’s daughter
and set outside the timeframe of the HP books?
9.
Does your character have one of
Voldemort’s horcruxes, or is your character actually one of Voldemort’s
horcruxes?
10. Does your character make a prophesy/have a vision about how s/he
will defeat Voldemort?
11. Does your character have The One Ring from LotR?
12. Is your character part- or half-Tolkienesque Elf?
13. Is your character part- or half-cat?
14. Is your character some sort of magical prince/princess,
demigod(dess), god(dess), or otherwise (semi) Divine, sacred, or royal
person/being?
15. Does your character have dreams about Voldemort in the same
fashion as Harry?
16. Does your character defeat Voldemort?
17. Does your character defeat Voldemort through the use of
powers/abilities that have not been previously established in HP canon?
18. If your character is evil, is she bigger, badder, and nastier than
Voldemort himself, and in the course of your story dethrones him, takes over
his empire, and kills Harry?
19. Is she both a current student of Snape’s and his love interest
at the same time?
20. Does she convince him to set aside his enmity for Harry and adopt
him, providing him with the loving, familial setting the two of them have
always wanted?
21. If Sirius is your character’s love-interest, does she bring him
back from beyond the veil?
22. Does your character wind up shagging the desired canon character
of choice within the first chapter of your story?
23. Does your character somehow right multiple or all ills
experienced by the canon characters?
24. Does your character bring a dead canon character back to life?
25. Does your character bring Lily and/or James Potter back to life?
26. Does your character bring Sirius Black back to life?
27. Does your character bring Albus Dumbledore back to life?
28. Do you deliberately change events that are set canon to suit
your own means, no matter how small the event?
If you
answered yes to even one of these, congratulations! You’re Sued!
You can stop now—don’t waste time scoring even more points when you
could be trashing your character and starting over (or, at the very least,
renaming her). Feel free to refer
back to this test as a guide when creating your new character.
Still going
strong? Great! You’ve passed the first obstacle. Those 1000-point questions were
designed to catch those Sue traits that are so old and dried out that they’re
practically mummified, or to catch ones that are so ridiculous that they have
no place in the HP universe. As a
rule for all future characters, NEVER use ANY of them!
Hold on,
though—you’re not out of the woods yet.
Let’s get down and dirty:
Minor
Characters:
If you scored
the 1000 point questions, they’re Fanon Sues/Stus and, as such, completely
irredeemable and really, really need to be shot.
0-1500 points: Good job! You’ve created a good, solid character, even though it is a
minor one. Keep up the good work!
1525-2500
points: Be careful, now—this
is a borderline character. Whether
or not this one will be Sued depends on the writing skill of the author—if
you’re just starting out, you might want to keep an eye on this one, and don’t
hesitate to squash it if it starts getting “ideas.”
2525-4000 points: Mary Sue/Gary Stu. Minor character Sues can be just as
annoying as main character Sues—begin revamping this character immediately.
Above 4000
points: Kill it.
Section
Nine:
If you have a
character that scored question one or above 1000 points on Section Nine
of this test, it is a Scary Sue or Hairy Stu, and as such should be
eliminated. And, incidentally,
it’s probably safe to say that your main character is a Mary Sue, as the Scary
Sue is a direct extension of the Mary Sue. So, just for laughs, add another 500 points to
your composite score, and then go back and clean up that Scary Sue.
Major
Characters:
If you scored
the first question on the first section of this test, it’s a Sue—we already
told you so. Kill with extreme
prejudice, or someone else will do it for you.
0-5000 points: Excellent. If your main character(s) falls in this point range, you are
to be commended. You are the proud
creator of a full, dynamic character that fits quite well in to J.K.’s
universe. We look forward to the
fanfiction that you will write in the future.
5025-13500
points: All right,
then. You’re nearing the danger
zone with this one. This character
is edging into the unrealistic zone and could go either way, depending on the
skill and experience of the writer.
Just to be on the side of safety, you might want to give this character
a few more flaws, or take away some of his/her more unnecessary abilities. Looking back at particular
sections in which your character got a high score would help you pin down the
areas in which your character may be getting out of hand. You don’t want to let a character with
potential run away from you. If
you continue to write fiction with the character as is, we recommend that you
check back here from time to time to make sure that you haven’t crossed the
line into Sue-dom.
13525-17000
points: We regret to inform
you that you are Sued. For
first-time writers, this is the place in which the majority of Sues fall—they
aren’t totally off the wall, but they simply aren’t very good characters. Your character is flat, unrealistic,
and has no place in this universe—or any other, for that matter. Either completely overhaul this
character, or go back to the drawing board. Or accept what you are and join a Mary Sue Webring, making
sure to put a Mary Sue warning label on your all of your posted fics, so that
all sane readers can avoid it.
Above 17000
points: *alarms go off,
sirens wail* Your character a Mary
Sue/Gary Stu of the very worst kind!
There is no hope for your character—it cannot be saved. For the love of all that is fanfic,
DESTROY IT!!!!!!!!
Thank you for taking advantage of our comprehensive Harry Potter
Mary Sue Litmus Test. We hope that
it has aided you in your quest to create good fanfiction and full
characters. If so, don’t hesitate
to drop us a line—we would like to hear your opinions, remarks, and
suggestions. We hope that our time
and effort has been worthwhile, and we wish you the best in all of your future
fanfiction endeavors.
Madame Mervin
and
Mistress Hyde