Section Fifteen
I try to write good, but it just gets hard.
Writing Style
Now, first
off, we don’t want to criticize anyone’s writing style in general. It’s part of who you are, and you can’t
really change it. However, much
like in the grammar section, in reading all of these Sue fics, we have noticed
that certain earmarks of style seem to crop up more often than can be
attributed to coincidence. So, as
with everything else, we have duly taken them down and tallied them up. We’re not asking you to change the way
you write, but this will help you avoid Mary Sue tactics and, in some cases,
will help you mature as a writer—some of these characteristics in the following
section are merely flaws in writing that will be corrected with age and
experience; the reason we see so many of them in Mary Sues is because so many
Mary Sues are the products of inexperienced authors.
1.
When introducing any original
character, do you devote an entire paragraph precisely describing every detail
of your character’s physical appearance, clothing, etc.? (+100)
We are sorry
to have to inform you of this, but this is honestly not very good writing. We are well aware that you may have a
wonderful picture of your character in your mind and you want to share it with
the reader, but don’t lump all the details on us at once! A picture may be worth a thousand
words, but please, spare us!
Having to slog through description after description of a character’s
eye color, hairstyle, jeans brand, and cup size is just ridiculous! When you meet someone, that’s not how
you look at them! Integrate
appearance through the course of your story, and do it in a roundabout way,
rather than just throwing every detail on us at once. Mary Sue writers seem to do this an inordinate amount of
time, and so it must be mentioned here.
2.
When entering a scene/place not
previously described in J.K.’s universe, do you devote an entire paragraph to
describing every detail of said place? (+100)
Much like above,
this can get very irritating. When
describing a place, try to do it through the eyes of your character, as though
seeing everything for the first time—in which case, no one can take in every
detail all at once, so don’t describe it that way! As before, it just seems like a whole lot of Mary Sue
stories do this, so be on the lookout.
3.
Are your chapters long due to many
details telling about how much fun your character is having with the canon
characters and vice versa? (+100)
Okay, guys—in
case you hadn’t noticed, in all of J.K.’s books, NO chapter is filled with
nothing but pointless filler details, okay? Each chapter is a stepping-stone used to further the plot in
some way or another. Random
insertions of chapters devoted to nothing but truth or dare games or some other
such nonsense have no place in J.K.’s world, fanfiction or no.
4.
Or are the long because of details
telling about how much despair your character is having to deal with? (+100)
Similar to above,
only that this is much more annoying.
Having to listen to your character wallowing in self-pity is no fun for
anyone—as many people have complained about Harry in Book V. If nothing else, use this as your
benchmark—NO ONE LIKES CONSTANT WHINING!!!
5.
Are there chapters devoted solely to
your character teaching others talents that only s/he knows how to do at the
moment and will later be integral to the plot (wandless magic; talking to
animals; becoming friendly with animals)? (+100)
Also similar
to the above questions. Yes, one
can use a character’s abilities/ resources to further the plot. Yet again, look at Ron and the chess
match, or Luna Lovegood and The Quibbler.
But don’t just drop it on us all at once—at least attempt to integrate
into the plot. And, just to be on
the safe side, DON’T have any of these oh-so-important details be anything that
isn’t established in canon.
6.
Are there chapters devoted solely to
your character teaching others talents that do not apply to the plot (dancing,
painting, playing an instrument, and wandless magic DO count if it isn’t
applicable to anything)? (+200)
Don’t. Just don’t, okay? This is nothing more than showcasing
all the WONDERFUL THINGS that your character can do. This is nauseating, and a self-insertion point that no one
in their right mind will want to read.
7.
Does your story have spells that are
very obviously fake (Transfigur-o, Aromahola, pelolia, spells made with a
language other than Latin, etc.) (+100)
The spells of
Harry Potter are Latin based. They
essentially mean whatever the spell is supposed to do. You cannot just add an “o” to whatever
it is you are wanting to do, reverse the spelling of a spell to make it do the
opposite of what you want, or use Spanish, French, or Turkish to make a
spell. They’re Latin. If you don’t know a spell, they have it
at the HP Lexicon or—what do you know—in the books. Also, there are plenty of Latin generators or books
online. Just look it up—isn’t that
hard.
8.
Is your story told in overly
elaborate and verbose style? (+50)
Look, we don’t
want to criticize the way you write, okay? And yes, details are a BEAUTIFUL thing. But, if you’re going to post things for
the general public to read, make sure the general public can indeed read
it! No one wants to read a
Shakespearean level description of eating lunch, nor do they want to read a
five-page description of the way your character blinks. We compliment you for the way you write
if it’s wordy and has pretty words.
But don’t write it in HP fanfiction, because, in the Harry Potter,
enough is too much. Well known
novels, fine. But only in stuff
like Lord of the Rings. Stick
that in higher level literature, which HP is not, okay?
9.
Is your entire story short and
choppy? (+50)
This is the
flip side of the previous question.
Sometimes, authors use short sentences to emphasize or call attention to
a certain point. It is easily used
and quite effective, and, if used properly, can make a scene you want to be
comedic be even funnier. But NOT
EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE. This makes
your story choppy, broken, and difficult to follow. In all honesty, this just isn’t very good writing. One should try to use a combination of the
two. That will make the most
effective fan fiction, and just all in all better writing.
10.
Do you include many “Americanisms”
in canon character dialogue? (+100)
NO NO NO NO NO
NO!!! HOGWARTS IS BRITISH!! IT’S IN SCOTLAND!! THAT’S THE UK!! NOT AMERICA!! It is ONE thing to have an American character (which we
strongly advise against) use blatant Americanisms. It’s another thing to have Snape, who is so diabolically
British it’s sexy, go “TOTALLY RADICAL, DUDE!!” Granted, we understand if you don’t know British-isms, or if
some Americanisms slip in by accident.
It’s totally understandable if you’re American, and don’t want to seem
manic by looking up all British slang and stuff like that. But AT LEAST MAKE AN EFFORT to avoid
obvious Americanisms. Mary Sue
authors have this problem time and time again, because they don’t have TIME for
such nonsense as proper writing—they’d rather have everyone talk about how
great their character is.
11.
Do make mention of anything
Muggle-related in the wizarding world just to suit your own purposes (Muggle
music, literature, sports, gadgets, slang terms, etc)? (+200)
This is
equally irritating. To have
McGonagall to angrily exclaim “Crud monkies!” is not acceptable. As emphasized, THEY’RE BRITISH!! And, more specifically, THEY’RE
WIZARDS!! Wizards and Muggles
DON’T MIX in this sense. A
Muggleborn MIGHT know about these, but, for heaven’s sake, Ron Weasley calls
telephones FELLYTONES. He would
NOT know who N’Sync is, okay? And,
whatever you do—yes, we know it’s long and greasy—do NOT have someone encourage
Severus Snape to headbang.
12.
Do you condense relatively long
spans of time into three or four sentences? (+50)
Come on,
people. This is not the Twilight
Zone. This is poor
story-telling. That’s like saying
“They walked for two days and then came across a GORGEOUS woman, who saved the
day by turning Voldemort good after three years, the end.” Oh, YAY. What a story.
Don’t do this. It’s
annoying. And plus, it gives us
the impression that you are glossing over details because you are either lazy,
or just too excited about your character to be bothered with trivial details
such as TIME.
13.
Do you completely gloss over
relatively long periods of time with no mention of the events therein? (+100)
And this is
SUPER Twilight Zone writing.
There’s no mention of time at all.
We enter the Department of Mysteries, play around in that shiny bottle,
and then, when we thought we were riding the Hogwarts Express, we find we’ve
SUDDENLY fallen asleep in our Christmas pudding. No good, no good.
You don’t have to spell out EVERYTHING, but at least give us indication
of what is going on, and, if anything, use the ABOVE question as a reference if
time is just TOO MUCH OF A HASSLE for you to bother with.
14.
Do you make any effort at coherent
and flowing scene transitions? (if no, +150)
This is just
like above—ONLY WORSE! Don’t just
break off in the middle of a conversation—to usher in the next RANDOM PLOT
POINT to show how GRAND your character is. Bad!!! Give us
a break! It’s just…PAINFUL! So bad, for Harry to be talking about
what a git Snape is to SUDDENLY…Lord Voldemort is being turned upside down by
your character and her Sue-per powers.
No no no no no. It’s—you
guessed it—POOR WRITING.
15.
Does your story involve “dead
herrings?” (See explanation below)
(+100)
A red herring
is where the author skillfully leads your attention away from a specific plot
point so as to spring it on you later as a surprise. An example?
HPPS/SS. Snape the bad
guy—no one ever expected Quirrell.
However, the key word in that description was SKILLFUL. Many times, in an effort to direct the
reader’s attention away from a specific plot point, Sue authors will
continually beat them over the head with statements to the contrary. Now, in HPPS/SS, did J.K. ever say, “It
COULDN’T be Quirrell!” No. She just made you ignore him until the
time was right. Now. If you want your character to be part
of a prophecy to defeat Voldemort, and every other sentence is how it COULDN’T be
her, is anyone fooled? NO. Quite simply, if you want a surprising
plot twist, don’t bring it up until it’s time!
16.
Do you include entire songs or
complete poems in the course of your story (which is not a songfic)? (+100)
GAG,
okay? This is sugary, soppy, and
sickening to the extreme. And
we’ll clue you in on a little secret: when there is a song or a poem in a fic,
75% of people will skip it. THEY
DON’T CARE!! They really don’t. In fact, most people get annoyed with
it, with us having to sit through your character singing “My Heart Will Go On”
then reciting the entire “Illiad” right after it. It’s NO GOOD.
Just leave them out of it.
And if it’s original…sorry, original works are usually just another
vehicle to show how talented and creative your character is, and therefore to
show how talented and creative YOU are.
Which is self-insertion and, therefore, a VERY big no-no.
17.
Do you often attempt to imitate a
favorite author’s style, rather than developing your own (J.K. included)?
(+100)
This is
tricky. In reality, what you’re
doing is you’re stifling yourself.
We know it’s generally an earmark of good fiction to try and fit into
canon by mimicking the style of the author, and imitation is the sincerest form
of flattery. But the entire point
of fanfiction is to develop your own style as a writer. If you naturally gravitate towards a
similar style, great! However, trying to force yourself into a mold of someone
else’s style that really doesn’t gel with your own oftentimes leaves you
sounding stiff, stilted, and not very good. If HP just doesn’t work for you, go somewhere else! Use your imagination! Expand your horizons! BE YOURSELF! Fanfiction is NOT the endpoint of writing; it’s the beginning
of your development as a writer.
It’s just a tool. Take advantage
of it.
And by the
way, die-hard Mary Sue writers never get out of fanfiction.
18.
Do you use your character to further
your personal opinions, beliefs, political alignment, and/or religion? (+200)
First of all,
we are in no way criticizing your opinions, beliefs, and most CERTAINLY NOT
your religion. The Constitution is
a lovely piece of work and we totally support it. Not only that, but writing is a very common venue for
expressing your opinions. Go for
it. However, and this is a very
big HOWEVER, the goal of good fanfiction is to FIT INTO CANON. So, having Hermione prance about
talking about “Oh, have you heard about the American president? I don’t like what he’s doing!” has NO
PLACE IN CANON WHATSOEVER. J.K.
has very kindly AVOIDED shoving such issues into our face. And while there is a thread of morality
underlying the stories, she does not beat us over the head with anything
specific, especially religion.
We are not criticizing religion.
We are saying that specific religious tenets have no place in HP
universe, because none of them have been established. And, as we have stated before, no one likes a soapbox,
especially religion. Don’t have
Snape railing on about Harry, the newly discovered Catholic.
We feel we
have to make a specific mention of the whole Wiccan angle in HP. No, we’re not persecuting anyone, and
no, we’re don’t have any problems with it as a religion. But it’s simply that J.K. herself has
said that nearly all the magic in her stories is made-up. It has no basis in fact OR
religion. Claiming that Harry
Potter magic means they’re all Wiccan is really just the flip side of
fundamentalist Christians claiming that it means Harry Potter is Satanic. And we simply have to mention this
here, because it seems an inordinate amount of Sue authors use the HP fandom to
tout their Wiccan beliefs, simply because the words “witch” and “magic” are
used in the story. As such, this
becomes a self-insertion point and must be noted. HP is MAKE-BELIEVE.
There is no reality in the HP fandom. Fanfiction is here for us to enjoy. Don’t ruin it for the rest of us,
especially by making the canon characters OOC to make your statements for you.
19.
Do you deliberately change events
that are set canon to suit your own means, no matter how small the event?
(+1000)
We are not
talking about Alternate Universe. We
are not talking about Pre-canon expansion. And we’re not talking about mistakes. We’re talking about an author knowing
exactly what he or she is doing and not caring—it doesn’t comply with THEIR
fic, so it’s tossed out the window.
This can range from something as small as a different Quidditch game
outcome (e.g., you make your character the Seeker of the opposing team so you
can show Harry up), to something as RIDICULOUS as the author not liking that
Sirius died, so SIRIUS LIVES in his/her fic. NEVER DO THIS.
It’s canon rape. People
become highly enraged when authors do this, and it is also a sure sign that you
are wrapped up in your fic waaaaay too much. It means an author considers their story more canonical than
canon itself, and that is arrogant.
DON’T. DO. THIS.
20.
Do you get very angry if anyone so
much as suggests that your character might be a Mary Sue? (+500)
This is a
classic symptom of a Mary Sue of the worst kind—the kind who refuse to
believe/admit that they are, indeed, a Mary Sue. If someone says you are or may be, LISTEN TO THEM!! They may have a point! And if you don’t care, join a Mary Sue
webring and put a warning on your fics.
HOWEVER, if just one person says it and it’s something along the lines
of “Mary Sue. It sucks,” don’t
believe them at first. Consider
it, but don’t take it to heart.
Chances are it could be a troll, and people like that live for annoying
the hell out of EVERYONE. However,
if you get THIRTEEN reviews saying something along the lines of “You know, she’s
kinda unrealistic, and I don’t think anyone could be that powerful or rich,” or
if one polite reviewer very thoroughly and concisely lays out a series of
inconsistencies or violations of canon, you might want to rewrite your fic,
and/or reevaluate your character.
It’s not personal, guys.
It’s constructive criticism.
Get over yourself and your character.
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