Section Nine
But what about ME?!
I’M beautiful! AND I’m
half-demon! Mary’s nothing but
half-cat!
Scary Sues/Hairy Stus
Now, we ask you to take a little break from specifically scoring your
beloved character, and switch gears to your fanon characters. Particularly those fanon characters
that are (DUN DUN DUN) evil. The
characters that we have termed Scary Sues and Hairy Stus.
Their nature is faux
sinister. All in all, they are
just as awful as their siblings, Gary and Mary. Meaning they are unrealistic, flat, and ANNOYING. They are Mary Sues’ opposite
numbers—Mary Sues aspire for good, while Scary Sues are BAD. But they are rarely the main
villain—their purpose is strictly to bring misery to a Mary Sue. They’re spiteful and obsessive; they
are the rejected Mary Sues and they KNOW IT. They’re mean. They’re
nasty. And they hate everything to
do with Christmas.
And this doesn’t sound like a good character, does it? No. They’re horrible.
They’re STUPID. YES,
everyone hates them, but not for the reasons the author wants them to. And, amazingly enough, the author often
despises the Scary Sue more than her own character hates her. For a full description of these
unusual outgrowths from the Mary Sue in literature, see our essay on the
subject here.
Essentially, what it all boils
down to is that Scary Sue is a Mary Sue author’s attempt to create a foil for
her character. The result is that
flat, mangled, and petty creature, the Scary Sue. And when any two Sues meet in the same universe—LOOK
OUT!! Sparks are inevitably gonna
fly, ‘cause THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!!
So take a good long look at
your EEEEEEEEEVIL characters and score them here. Remember: Do
not add this section to your composite score for the main character of
interest—this is a special section devoted entirely to the Scary Sue—in the
scoring section, there is a bonus that will be added to your score should you
find that you have created a Scary Sue, because they are rarely found without
their nicer sister Mary.
1.
Is there a canon/original character
who is based on someone who, in reality, you hate who is the enemy of your main
character? (+1000)
Okay, you can stop now. Your character’s a Scary Sue.
2.
Is there a canon/original character
who is the archenemy of your main character? (+50)
This is not a terrible mistake
to make in a fic, but you should probably just watch it, as many Sue authors
love to use this device. It is
quite normal for a person to have someone that they really just don’t like, and
it happens most often that said person is a member of the same sex of that
person. This just need to be noted
here as it is often a Mary Sue plot device that can lead to a Scary Sue. And having one of those ridiculous
Sue-ish names is always a bad sign in any character.
3.
Is part of the animosity between the
two characters in part due to the Gryffindor/Slytherin rivalry (+50), are they
in different houses but two without such a traditionally strong rivalry (+50), or
are they in the same House (+100)?
Having a Gryffindor and a
Slytherin hate each other is quite acceptable—look at Hermione and Pansy
Parkinson. Just don’t copy off of
the Harry/Malfoy dichotomy—Sue authors tend to do this. And as it hasn’t been established what
the other Houses think of each other, it is also acceptable to have members of
Houses other than Gryffindor and Slytherin hate each other. Unfortunately, this is a way that some
Sue authors attempt to disguise the fact that they are indeed just copying off
of the Harry/Malfoy rivalry. And
as for having the archenemy be in the same House—that’s just silly. People are Sorted according to
personality and choices—it is highly doubtful that any two people who have
absolutely nothing in common would end up in the same House.
4.
Is the archenemy attractive? (+50)
This is nothing special—many
people believe that Malfoy is much more attractive than Harry. It’s just that, as with a Mary Sue, a
Scary Sue often has just one-too-many “good” traits that add up to a flat
character.
5.
Is the archenemy rich? (+50)
Again, nothing too
special. If the enemy is a
pureblood bigot like Malfoy, chances are she’ll be rather well off. Just watch out about giving any
character too many traits that we ourselves would like to have.
6.
Is the archenemy talented? (+50)
As before—don’t make the
character good at everything.
Scary Sues share many similar qualities to Mary Sues in this
regard. Not to mention the fact
that Scary Sues often use said talents to cause mischief.
7.
Is the arch nemesis arrogant,
conceited, snobby, and/or shallow? (+100)
This one is a classic Scary
Sue—in an effort to show the readers how icky that character is, Sue authors
lump about fifteen petty, irritating character flaws into one character, so
that their main character is a shining paragon of virtue compared to the Scary
Sue. Plus, it also makes for a
Draco Malfoy knock-off and a repeat of Question #2 plagiarism.
8.
Is the arch nemesis pureblood? (+50)
Yet another Draco Malfoy
knockoff. Yes, if your nemesis is
a Slytherin, it’s highly probable that she’s a pureblood. We’ve only heard of two Slytherin
half-bloods, and they are about as Slytherin as you could possibly get. But the character is not Draco
Malfoy. Don’t make her just like
him.
9.
Is the arch nemesis prejudiced
against Muggles or Muggleborns? (+50)
Same as before, only now the
nemesis’s prejudices oftentimes give your character a chance to throw a Sue-ly
self-righteous fit. It’s old. It’s used. And it is irritating.
10.
Does the arch nemesis have
neglectful or abusive parents? (+50)
Here’s a way to blame your
character’s evil behavior on her troubled childhood. WEAK. That is
pure nonsense in ALL worlds. Not
only that, but this paves the way for the Scary Sue to see the error of her
ways and become a groupie for your main character—which is just bad.
11.
Is the arch nemesis rather
gullible/unintelligent? (+100)
This just isn’t very nice. Sue authors oftentimes make their
nemeses very stupid to make their character seem smarter, when, in reality,
she’s not—they’re both equally dumb.
And no one always falls for jokes or pranks. I mean, honestly, if you know someone
hates you, are you just going to take the candy they grinningly offer you
without wondering if something is amiss?
NO!
12.
Does the arch nemesis have a group
of friends just like him/her? (+50)
Mary Sue groupies, Scary Sue
groupies. Same thing. Only the Scary Sue groupies allow
dearest Mary to have more suffering and constant torment to be strong
about. Yes, everyone has
friends. It’s okay to give your
enemy some fanon friends. BUT NOT
MORE SCARY SUES!!
13.
Does the arch nemesis have very few
or no friends whatsoever? (+100)
And this is just mean. Not EVERYONE is going to hate the arch
nemesis. There are going to be
people who like her. Using Draco
Malfoy as an example—he has friends, and he’s a bigoted little turd. So don’t make the arch nemesis so evil
she’s completely friendless.
14.
Does your archenemy have any of the
relatively mundane abilities mentioned in Section Six of the Mary Sue test?
(+200)
Look, if you hate your
character so much, why rail on about all the great stuff she can do? It’s just silly. And it’s one of those traits that Scary
Sues and Mary Sues both have in common.
We really don’t care, okay?
No one does.
15.
Does your archenemy have any of the
unearthly abilities as outlined in Section Seven of the Mary Sue test? (+500)
Talk about War of the
Sues! This is a total
NIGHTMARE. No one really wants to
hear about your epic battle of gorgeous and noble half-Angel Saffire Serenity
Lupin versus selfish and darkly beautiful half-Balrog Onyx Shadowcat. It’s boring and highly Sue-ish, meaning
it’s UNREALISTIC and has no place in J.K.’s universe.
16.
Does the archenemy hate your
character for no reason whatsoever? (+200)
Dumb! Granted, some people can irritate others for no reason, but
they don’t form a lasting vendetta with absolutely no basis! It doesn’t happen. We’re not about to go around hating
people for no reason—with the glaring exception of Mary Sues. EVERYTHING has a reason, okay? This is just a Sue author problem of
not having time to explain WHY, because they have to get back to their GREAT
character and how she’s holding up under the stress of dearest Scary.
17.
Does the archenemy hate the main
character because he/she is jealous of her? (+100)
This one is even more done then
the previous, even though it is much more plausible. It is the single biggest earmark of a Scary Sue. As stated, Scary is a reject Mary. If Mary wasn’t around, Scary would
probably be the total center of attention with everyone loving her and such
sugar as that. However, she’s not
and she hates it. And having them
jealous of Mary’s love life is even bigger. Since, of course, Mary gets all the best guys and Scary is
left with her sloppy and drooling seconds, she’s gonna get jealous and want the
best, too. Just don’t, okay? Don’t.
18.
Do all the canon characters and/or
friends of your character hate the arch nemesis? (+100)
It’s one thing to have your
arch nemesis be hated by your character.
It’s quite another for the whole world to be on the same side as your
character, banding together to thwart the evil person who dares not like
her. It doesn’t work that way,
particularly if the arch nemesis’s only offense is to not like the way your
character eats peas! Essentially,
this is just again showing how evil the nemesis is and how great your character
is, which is just stupid.
19.
Does the archenemy do everything in
his/her power to torment/destroy the main character? (+50)
Oooooold! It makes your readers go to sleep it’s
so used. There’s only one person
who goes around trying to destroy his arch nemesis—that’s Voldemort. And even he has other things to think
about, like gaining lots of power and being deliciously evil. Don’t create a character who does
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but plot against your character. No one does this.
It’s ridiculous. Everyone
has a life in some capacity—except for a Scary Sue. And petty and spiteful cruelties are so stupid and annoying
we care not to discuss them in full detail, as it is obvious why you shouldn’t
do this.
20.
Is the archenemy the main villain in
your fic? (+100)
This one can go either
way. Some people place a fic
before Harry’s time, or it’s simply a small slice of the HP universe that
doesn’t involve Harry, which is a common device that is actually used to avoid
Sues sometimes. In this case,
having a fanon villain is quite acceptable. It’s just that with Sues, said villain is often a Scary
Sue.
And needless to say, Voldemort
is a big bad guy. In point of
fact, one gets the impression that in the Harry Potter universe, he is Satan
himself. If your fic does center
around Harry, but the main villain is that dangerously beautiful new girl that
showed up and is now pettily tormenting your character AND Harry…no.
21.
Does your character often have
instances where she saves the nemesis’s life? (+50)
This is just painful, all of
it. If there’s one Sue trait that
drives every sane reader up the wall, it’s having her watch her bravely put
herself in danger for the sake of her enemies. How sappy can you get?
And it’s even worse if it’s a backfired plot of Scary, or the Scary just
being an idiot, like trying to be greater than Mary by attempting to tame a
Basilisk. That’s just a double
whammy, showing how dumb and evil Scary is and how noble and selfless little
Mary is. Avoid this at all costs.
22.
Is your character kind and pitying
to the arch nemesis despite her constant cruelty? (+100)
This makes everyone want to
cry, in the sense that it hurts so much.
How many people do you know who are genuinely kind and caring to someone
who makes them royally cheesed off?
We can bet you don’t know any of them. We know a few, but not personally: Mother Teresa, St. Francis, etc. YOUR character does NOT fall into that category. Don’t practically canonize your
character to make her seem grand and noble and selfless and pure of heart.
23.
Does your character somehow
sacrifice herself for the arch nemesis? (+200)
Blar, okay? Just blar. This is revolting.
I truly doubt that anyone’s sense of duty towards an enemy is going to
overwhelm their sense of self-preservation, an instinct that overrides nearly
all others in times of extreme danger.
DON’T.
24.
Does the arch nemesis collaborate
with Voldemort? (+50)
The first one isn’t quite so
terrible. While it does overemphasize
how evil Scary is, it also is a legitimate device for a pureblood, anti-Muggle
Slytherin type. But it is NOT a
legitimate device for someone who does NOT believe in these things. They are not going to go traipsing off
to join the most evil wizard in the world just to get at your character. And do you really think Voldemort is
going to drop every plan he has working at the moment just to serve Scary? No, he’s not. He’d probably kill her for her presumptuousness, as we would
ALL love to do.
25.
Does the arch nemesis not need to
collaborate with Voldemort, because she’s ten times more evil and powerful in
Dark Magic or abilities? (+500)
Sigh. Bad. That’s
really bad. While you can have
lesser villains in different situations, there is ONE MAIN VILLAIN in the HP
universe. NO ONE is as nasty as
this guy, okay? We’ve already
stated that it seems he is the equivalent of the Devil in the HP universe. And who do you know who’s more evil
than the Devil?
26.
Does she de-throne Voldemort? (+500)
And once again, who do you know
who can go down to Hell and unseat Lucifer? It’s not going to happen, except maybe in twisted worlds
like South Park. Which we don’t live
in, and neither does Harry Potter.
27.
Does the arch nemesis sleep around?
(+100)
Here’s another way to make
Scary seem so evil and unpleasant while her sister Mary is put on a pedestal to
exemplify purity with her shining white soul. Don’t make an enemy a ho, okay, just to make your character
seem better. It’s annoying, and
makes everyone sick.
28.
Does the arch nemesis often try to
break apart the relationships of the main character? (+100)
Scary Sues do this way too
often for comfort. It’s their main
device that they use to attempt to destroy Mary. Don’t use this.
Use something else. If
anything, it’s so overused it’s sickening.
29.
Does the arch nemesis try to seduce
the main character’s significant other? (+100)
This ties into the jealousy
issue, as well as the above question.
Scary wants attention from all the best people. And she doesn’t get it. Moreover, she wants whatever MARY’S
got. And moreover again, she never
gets it.
30.
Does the arch nemesis try to seduce
the main character? (+200)
This, obviously, most often happens
with a nemesis of the opposite sex, though it can happen with same sex. This is generally a device used by that
such nemesis to break up relationships as stated previously and is, as such,
poo-pooed.
31.
Does your character reform any of
the arch nemesis’s evil friends? (+100)
As a rule, avoid that old
“reforming the bad guys” bit. Old,
trite, and disgusting.
32.
Does your character reform the arch
nemesis? (+200)
This one’s even worse. Don’t do it. Either of them.
33.
Do you, as the author, hate the arch
nemesis just as much as, if not more so, than your main character does? (+200)
Here’s the big one. Mary Sue authors HATE Scary Sues,
because, more often than not, Scary Sues are Mary’s harshest critic and usually
point out all that is wrong with them.
And we all know how Mary Sue authors bow up when somebody picks on their
character—including other fanon characters. And, since fellow Mary Sue-ers are the only ones who read
this drivel, they all hate her, too.
However, that may not be necessarily true. While it probably is, you could have just written a really
despicable bad guy, i.e., Umbridge.
It’s possible, but watch it.
If this is the case, chances are, she’s a Scary Sue.
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