Section Three
The cult of personality…I’m the smilin’ Sue on your T.V.!
The Character’s Personality and Development
This is a very delicate
section, mostly because so many of the questions could be interpreted
differently. You are advised to
read the explanations, which goes over each question in detail if you are
curious, and then be honest. This
section contains both traits that are highly unrealistic in a character, and
traits that are common in Mary Sues—traits that, in either case, should be
avoided.
1.
Does you character have some sort of
secret or hidden fact about their past that, while not malignant, they tell no
one about, either by choice or necessity? (+100)
Mary Sue authors love to give
their characters some sort of secret about their past or origins. It may be a terrible and dark secret
(see Question #2), or it may just be some hidden fact about them that doesn’t
do any harm to anyone, but must be kept secret, so that the author can spring
it on the reader later and use it to miraculously stage a rescue or something,
and in the meantime add mystique to their character. And, incidentally, the most common venue for Sues to take
advantage of this plot point is to create a mad, passionate love affair for
their character that ended in tragedy—more ways for their character to suffer
and moan and claim to be devoid of all emotion after losing their ONE TRUE
LOVE. The second most common venue
is for your character to have a secret relative to unveil—usually it’s Harry’s
sister or Merlin’s descendent.
This is irritating. And
overdone by Sues. People may not
like to share some things about their pasts for personal reasons, but it isn’t
usually something they have to make a big deal over. This is unrealistic, and therefore should be avoided.
2.
Does the character have a terrible,
deep, dark secret beyond their control that they can tell no one about? (+500)
This is another one of the
biggest clichés in Sue-dom. We
can’t think of anyone who has a DEEP, DARK SECRET, and we bet you can’t
either. This is unrealistic and overdone,
particularly the three bonus questions (don’t you think a Wizard rapist would
think to use some sort of magical contraceptive to avoid that happening, as the
baby could be used to identify them?).
Avoid it for the safety and well being of all involved.
And don’t give your character a
horcrux. Even IF she is super-evil
and had the ability and desire to make one, it’s just stealing Voldemort’s
glory, and we’ve discussed why that’s bad. However, having one of Voldemort’s horcruxes is completely
unforgivable. We saw how he guards
them—one of them killed Dumbledore’s hand—and nearly killed the entire man in
the process—and the other one was guarded by zombies and evil Gatorade.. Don’t make your character one of
Voldemort’s horcruxes. That’s
nothing but an angst angle.
3.
Do they maintain their syrupy
cheerfulness despite their problem? (+100)
Gag, okay? Despite what the movies may say, a
Pollyanna is really annoying in real life—and just as annoying in fiction. And using some terrible problem to
enhance the character’s eternal optimism is even more annoying.
4.
Do they brood, cry, sob, complain
and/or remain withdrawn because of said problem? (+100)
Okay, the only thing worse than
someone who is eternally and impossibly cheerful is someone who does nothing
but whine and gripe. Everyone has
their moments of angst—this is natural.
One big pity-party drives people insane. Get over yourself and move on.
Sue authors also use the crying
in canon characters’ arms bit way more than is healthy. It gets old and annoying, much like
everything else in the Sueniverse.
And if the character cries all over every male in the fic, it just makes
her seem slutty.
5.
Is the character extremely shy,
withdrawn, and very quiet? (+50)
This one isn’t too bad—it
happens in real life. The only
problem here is that Sues use it a whole lot, and generally end up using this
characteristic to have the canon characters spending every waking moment trying
to draw their character out of her shell.
In reality, if a person is very shy, they are usually overlooked or
ignored—this shouldn’t be used as a device to get more people to notice her. And if they DON’T notice her, it’s her
own fault—the readers don’t want to hear her crying about how lonely she is
when they all know she’s just ridiculously shy and needs to get over it if
she’s so lonely.
6.
Is the character a rebel, punk,
delinquent, or criminal? (+100)
This was originally more of a trait
of Gary Stus, but his sister can do this just as easily as he can, and has been
with increasing frequency. Gary
usually has this angst-ridden, “Rebel Without a Cause” thing going on, and it
is very annoying. Mary more
originally used this bit in the more delinquent sense of being a troublemaker
but is branching out into the stock rebel mode, and both of them generally end
up using this angle to flaunt authority (and usually get away with it).
7.
Is your character depressed,
unhappy, and/or always brooding? (+100)
The whole depressed Sue angle
is rather irritating, mostly because, in Sue-fics, the canon characters see how
depressed she is, don their jester hats, and immediately begin trying to
entertain her and make her happy.
If she was constantly brooding, they’d get pretty pissed at him—we’ve
seen definite evidence of that since Book V came out. And if your character is constantly bemoaning how ugly she
is, how stupid she is, how worthless she is…well, that gets VERY old after a
while. While some authors claim
it’s their character’s flaw, in reality it’s just an angle to have all the
canon and original characters tell her how wrong she is, and she usually isn’t
ugly or stupid or worthless and winds up being a totally hot chick or some
magical princess and they all live happily ever after. It’s not a good character trait and
only makes your OC annoying.
8.
Does your character indulge in
self-mutilation/cutting? (+100)
As we’ve mentioned before, it
has been our experience that people who create cutting Mary Sues are in fact
cutters. This means this is a
self-insert point and should not be done.
Also, for those of us who aren’t cutters, long, drawn out descriptions
of it can be a bit grisly. And
when there is more than one it’s just being overused. So just avoid this in general—if nothing else, it’s not in
keeping with canon.
9.
Is your character smooth, sauve,
cool, and/or debonair? (+100)
Self-insertion strikes
again. Everyone wishes that he or
she was always on top of the things, always knew what to say, and always came
out of any situation smelling like a rose. But life isn’t that kind, and we all fall on our faces once in
a while. And for your character to
seem real to your readers, he/she needs to do the same.
10.
Is your character aloof, arrogant,
and/or disdainful? (+100)
We know you think this makes
your character cool. In reality,
it just makes him/her an ass. Seriously. People who act like this piss you off.
And to try and make this a flaw doesn’t work, because, more often than not,
with Sues, this attitude is because he/she is some form of royalty. Or at least, in her mind, anyway.
11.
Does your character often say many
words of wisdom, correct others’ behavior, and make people very thoughtful?
(+200)
This is high because it’s one
of the most annoying character traits of aloof or disdainful Sues and
Stus. They do nothing but tell the
other characters how wrong they are or justify their behavior and make the
other go to bed thoughtful. Well,
that’s just plain arrogant, and no, it’s not charming. And if your character is always right,
that is—you guessed it—wish fulfillment and should not be used.
12. Is your character naïve, sappy, sugary, and/or endlessly
optimistic? (+100)
Naïve is a nice word for stupid
(enough on that). The whole sappy,
sugary, “Oh, aren’t we the bestest of friends” attitude makes your teeth
rot. And the endless optimism is
also stupid. Everything will NOT
turn out okay, because this is, at least, modeled on reality. People die (Sirius). People hate other people (Sirius). People are jerks (Sirius). And people who honestly don’t believe
this are—you guessed it—STUPID.
These are just really poor character traits, so avoid them.
13.
If a student, is she as smart or
smarter than Hermione? (+100)
Now, really—Hermione has been
set up as the paragon of good student in the HP universe. Having your character upstage her at
any time screams of Mary Sue—they are famous for doing everything better than
everyone else.
14.
Is the character always happy,
laughing and joking? (+50)
Again, this one is
self-insertion. I know we all wish
that everyone thought we were great and clever and wonderful and the life of
the party, but not everyone will.
And if the character is better than the Weasley twins, this is yet another
example of the original character upstaging the canon characters with her
greatness—classic Mary Sue.
And Snape is a total
super-genius and can essentially read minds. Your character will not get away with that sort of thing.
15.
Does your character have
pseudo-flaws and ridiculous weaknesses (bad attitude, clumsiness,
inattentiveness, “can be a bitch when mad,” follows her heart instead of her
brain,” etc.)? (+100)
These are traditional devices of
Mary Sue authors, used in an either conscious or unconscious attempt to
disguise their character behind a mask of reality. They don’t want to “weigh down” their character with the
character flaws that mere mortals have, so they give them little “flaws” that,
in reality, can be written off as more self-insertion. Clumsiness is often called “cute,” the
bad attitude and inattentiveness are other ways for the character to be a rebel
against authority, the “bitchy when mad” is how people often fancy themselves,
so they can threaten and cow people with their anger—the list goes on. And that “following the heart” bit is
incredibly popular with Mary Sues, and is very ANNOYING. They usually end up using this to
emphasize how noble and selfless they are, as well as being a convenient method
for them to do something stupid and write it off as not their fault, because
their hearts were in the right place.
Everyone has issues. For a
character to be real to the reader, she needs some too.
16.
Does the character have no flaws or
weaknesses, contrived or otherwise? (+500)
Now this one drives people (and
us) absolutely crazy. NO ONE IS
PERFECT!!!! This seems to be the
main point that MS authors just can’t seem to get into their heads. I know we all would like to be, but we
aren’t. A perfect character is a
flat character, and no one likes it, except other MS writers.
17.
Do they LOVE the environment? (+50)
Don’t use the character as an
outlet for your favorite cause, especially one that really isn’t a major part
of J.K.’s universe.
18.
Do they strive with everything they
have to protect and defend said environment? (+50)
No one likes it when a
character gets on a soapbox or starts a crusade, especially one that really
isn’t a major part of J.K.’s universe.
19. Do they LOVE animals? (+50)
See Question #17. And this one is just too cutesy to be
put up with.
20.
Do they strive with everything they
have to protect and defend said animals? (+50)
See Question #18.
21.
Do they LOVE unicorns, fairies, dragons,
and/or similar creatures? (+100)
See Question #17. And this one gets its own question for
being sugary enough to rot teeth.
22.
Do they strive with everything they
have to protect and defend said magical creatures? (+100)
See Question #18. And we don’t think they really need any
striving over—they seem quite capable of defending themselves.
23.
Does your character LOVE Muggles and
Muggleborns? (+50)
This one crosses over into
J.K.’s universe—it’s a better than the three previous causes in that regard,
but worse in that it is usually used as a vehicle for all the good guys to
praise the characters piety, and all the bad guys to torment her even more.
24.
Does your character strive with
everything she has to fight the purist bigots and defend said Muggles and
Muggleborns? (+50)
As before, no one likes a
soapbox. And as in question 14,
this one is especially bad in that it brings the character to the center of
attention regarding wizarding prejudice—classic Mary Sue.
25.
And do they interact ridiculously
well with any of the above? (+200)
And most people can tell when
an author is being outrageously interactive and frolicking through the grassy meadows
with unicorns, dragons, fairies, doggies, horsies and Muggles.
26.
Is your character excessively
affectionate/huggy/touchy-feely? (+100)
Being friendly is not a bad
thing. Being grabby is. People get irritated when you keep
invading their personal space.
It’s not cute—it’s rude.
And it’s not a good character trait. It’s Sue-ish.
27.
Do they flirt like crazy with
anything that moves? (+100)
This is a little ridiculous,
and usually a very obvious self-insertion with female writers. Most would love to think that they are
great and flirtatious and it doesn’t make them skeezy. Well, it does. Don’t do that.
28.
Do they make out with anything that
moves? (+100)
And that is disgusting. It is not right in ANY universe,
fictional, nonfictional, or canon, for your character to hang off of every
person in the story, constantly speaking in tongues and hand motions.
29.
Do they write off said sluttiness
because everyone loves them? (+100)
And that is another
self-insertion. Yes, we all know
that you would dearly love for everyone in the world to love you. But they don’t. And a kinky slash fic with an OC Mary
Sue is VERY irritating, even to die-hard slash readers.
30.
Do they always brush off those who
hate them with the knowledge that they are better than their foes (translation:
do they revel in their Sue-ness)? (+200)
This is another one of those
really annoying Sue traits. In the
real world, everyone hates a person who thinks they are better than everyone
else and constantly tells them so—we call that person a snob. In the fanfic world, everyone hates a
character who thinks they are better than everyone else and constantly tells
them so—we call that character a Mary Sue.
31.
Is your character in any capacity
famous in this universe? (+100)
Another self-insertion
bit. We all want to be
famous. But we’re not.
32. Does your character in any capacity become famous through the
course of your story? (+100)
This one, while still self-insertion,
is more along the lines of robbing canon characters of their function within
the story. Harry Potter is
famous. Bringing in a new
character to become just as famous, if not more so, is stealing one of the
defining traits of Harry’s existence in the wizarding world.
33.
Is your character always fidgety and
hyper? (+50)
This one is irritating and
overdone—and would still be irritating even if it weren’t overdone. People who are inattentive and hyper,
always hopping and fidgeting, aren’t funny to anyone but the author—they’re
just rude. This can be considered
another one of those pseudo-flaws—a way to seem like they have something about
them that isn’t perfect, but really just another way to “rebel” by annoying the
authority figures (and, incidentally, the reader).
34.
Do they easily get drunk and become
very stupid or “even more hilariously funny?” (+50)
Here is yet another
self-insertion trip. Yeah, yeah, everyone
fancies themselves a member of the Delta Tau Chi fraternity, everyone wants to
be the life of the party, everyone thinks it’s so cool to get drunk and laugh
about how stupid they were when they were drunk. But it reality, you aren’t any of these things, and it
really isn’t that funny. And it’s
even less funny when the character is drunk on something that isn’t that
strong, like butterbeer (which hasn’t really even been fully established as
alcoholic), or something that doesn’t exist at all in the canon universe.
35.
Does everyone think that your
character is just so cool? (+100)
See Question #18, Section #1.
36.
Do canon characters often tell other
canon or original characters that they should try and be more like your
character? (+200)
Honestly, guys—not everyone
will love your character!!!! And
having everyone not only think that your character is just the best, but
constantly telling everyone else how they don’t measure up to your character
and how they should try to be more like her drives readers up the wall! It is unrealistic, arrogant, and a
total pain in the ass.
And to have your character
telling others that they should strive to be as wonderful as she is…well,
that’s conceited and arrogant.
37.
Do the canon characters spend an
inordinate amount of time talking/wondering/worrying/about or expending effort
for your character? (+200)
The HP universe and the characters
therein have existed happily on their own for 5 years up to now. We don’t think that they are going to
suddenly put their lives on hold when the new girl shows up, and spend all
their time fretting over her for whatever reason. This is just a way to use the canon characters to call
attention to your character—which is quite pointless, if your character is the
focal point of the story anyway.
The canon characters have lives of their own—don’t overwrite them with
your character.
38.
Is your character a nudist? (+500)
I know this sounds really,
REALLY weird, but it is, in fact, necessary. We have seen an alarming number of fics involving
nudism. While it is a perfectly
fine lifestyle and while it is sometimes quite comfortable to parade about in
absolutely nothing, there is a time and a place for everything! The drafty castle called Hogwarts? That is not the place for nudity. They’re in SCOTLAND. You will find that all nudist resorts
and camps are in nice, sunny places that are always warm—California comes to
mind.
Also, nudists sometimes refer
to themselves as “naturists.” They
say they feel perfectly natural in absolutely nothing and are most
comfortable. That, also, is
perfectly fine and dandy. What is
NOT fine and dandy is if your character is CONSTANTLY, CONSTANTLY TALKING ABOUT
IT and/or ALWAYS taking off his or her clothes in front of everyone, whether
they approve or not. That does not
indicate ease with one’s body, that indicates that your character is waving her
boobies or his ding-dong in everyone’s faces and MAKES them notice that they
are nudists. And that’s nothing
but an attention ploy, and, due to what your making your character be noticed
by, is rather perverse.
Also, in the HP universe? If there are nudists, we aren’t aware
of it because they are considerate enough to wear clothes. And your character isn’t gonna talk
anyone who lives at Hogwarts into stripping. That place is drafty, it’s cold, and it does not lend itself
to much privacy. Either keep your
clothes on or be ready for regular visits to Madame Pomfrey when you catch
cold, flu, and pneumonia.
The third bonus is rather
important. You want to write an HP
fic that features nudists?
Fine. Don’t expect
eternally glowing reviews, but go right ahead and help yourself. BUT KEEP IT EQUAL. Do you have ANY idea what kind of
message you’re gonna be sending if you have nothing but female nudists prancing
about? And do you know what an
even worse message you’re gonna be sending if you having nothing but adolescent
and/or prepubescent female nudists prancing about?
You’re gonna send the message that
you are the last bonus. And this
is just a piece of friendly advice.
If you’re a guy, and you’re writing a story like this? Stop it immediately. It doesn’t matter what your true
opinions, orientation, and tastes are.
You are gonna get COMPLETELY RIPPED APART due to the fact that you are
unintentionally sending this enormous message to the crowds: “I AM A PERVERTED MYSOGINIST PEDOPHILE
USING THE HP UNIVERSE TO FULFILL MY SICK FANTASIES ABOUT YOUNG WOMEN PARADING
ABOUT NAKED.” You simply get a thousand
for that because you need to KILL IT IMMEDIATELY. Trust us—it is for your own good.
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